Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
