why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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