you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
