Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
