they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
