If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
