You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
