I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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