Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?