You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us