thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate