I hope mine doesn't look like that
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind