I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.