I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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