If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is not my ceiling
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
