New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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