Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
