The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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