she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
