I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
