I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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