call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
