I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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