i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
