Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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