I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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