I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
