She is in my trunk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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