3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do vagina's smell?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
