I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
