i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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