Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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