So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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