absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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