All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm jealous of your bromance
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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