It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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