I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
