im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
