Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize