just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
