I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
