I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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