he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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