hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk is a universal language darling
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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