I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
being pregnant is like rehab
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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