he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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