Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
