I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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