I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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