Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
