Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
