The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
