I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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