mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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