she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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