Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
