No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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