I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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