This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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