A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
