Where did you get a picture of my penis
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
