just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
420 ftw
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
