I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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