We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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