i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
